2005-12-03 - 2:57 a.m.
i once talked about self-medicating with adrienne- she observed that the fact that so many people self-medicate shows that people are in a lot of pain-
what we think puts people in so much pain is really significant in terms of how we see the world, our society, our community, our intimate relationships etc. and how they need to all change- the implications reach all levels of social change-
but that is not what i'm concerned with for the moment- i talked to claire about this at length tonight
many if not most of my friends often feel that they are never happy- sometimes we feel like we've never been happy- other times we feel like this isn't really true-
but what about carefree people who've lived comfortable lives and are happy the vast majority of the time?
it is impossible to live for very long without trauma and crises- the issue is how we deal with these crises- crises can seem insignificant to others, but only the one suffering knows how it feels- objectivity is unavailable for consolation, it doesn't really exist when it comes to how we feel-
personal crises can deepen our capacity to suffer- it can expand our capacity to take on the suffering of others- empathy inevitably means we feel the suffering of others deeply-
but for people who are happy almost all the time- i don't really want them to change and take on the suffering of others do i?
i can't relate to people who don't have a dark side, who don't have a capacity for escapism/self-destruction- it is inevitable that i feel a lot of pain- there is no other way to process my experiences, to relate to other people without taking on their pain-
but i've met people who, for a variety of reasons, are often happy- sometimes they are really insensitive to others (although i also know people who feel a lot of pain but are also really insensitive to others, for a variety of reasons)- other times, they are just nice, happy people- of course, i could be completely mischaracterizing them, but i don't think so-
i don't think you can be truly sensitive and supportive of other people without taking on their pain to a significant degree- is it possible to be passionate about social justice without developing this empathy (maybe? but how would experiences related to oppression be processed?)? is it possible to be empathic without having a dark side (i think so)? do i really want happy people to develop this capacity to suffer (a problematic way to frame the question)?
i don't think i'm defining these questions very well-
this is all very abstract- not because i'm thinking in abstraction, but because i don't want to talk in detail about all the individuals in my life i'm thinking about, all the interactions i have with them etc. - that level of detail would require a really lengthy entry-
metaphorically speaking- people have a certain texture, and mine is pretty rough- but i know people whose textures are, for lack of a better adjective, smooth- i'm really wondering how i relate to these people-
not that these are monolithic categories
